... is just as hard as painting blindfolded, without knowing what color your brush dips into.

so much of my music begins with the poetry you may or may not read on my deviantART.

i write the words, i pick up (or sit down at) an instrument, and i begin to play as i feel. eventually the patterns start to form and all i have to do is look up at the scrap piece of paper with the soon-to-be lyrics scribbled all over it. my emotions, my music, and my melody all work together when i'm writing.

i can't write without ALL of these. its like a terrible phenomenon.

allow me to be a little more explicit: i had my tonsils out 2 weeks ago. prior to that, i had quite a semester. many many things to write about... and plenty of time during recovery for my thoughts to begin spinning themselves into poetry.

the good news: i'm told my voice will be "unstoppable" once we "re-tune" my voice... its very simple, really. like any instrument. take a guitar, for instance... if the strings are faulty, change them... try and play the guitar right after you change the strings and its going to sound like shit. it takes time to get it sounding right again. you tune the first string, then the next to it, and the next and so on. then you go back to the first now that the strings have been warmed and re-tune it because the temperature change will have thrown it off a bit. and the next string, and the next... its going to take a while.

therein lies the bad news: its going to take a while -- months -- before im sounding halfway decent again.

so i'm stuck with all these thoughts and no instrument. don't get me wrong... i love poetry... but music is the only way i really feel like i create emotion as i feel it... rather than produce a mere description of what happened and how i feel.